It's been a rather long time since my last post. A lot has happened. I've gained a son for starters. I have also discovered the Marie Kondo method of decluttering my home. I'll admit I'm not sticking to it religiously (I'm still balling my socks, not folding them and I'm not talking to my possessions, thanking them for all they've done for me). So many of my posts will most likely now be about my transition from one offspring to two, my ongoing fight against the tide of toys and baby paraphernalia and my quest for order and calm in my home and life generally!
Little Bear is five and a half weeks old now and is definitely making his presence known and exercising his new lungs! The journey from being mummy to one, to being mummy to two was a bit more of a shock than I expected. I've spent the past five weeks breastfeeding, winding, changing nappies, more breastfeeding, jigging, rocking, swaying, more breastfeeding, pacing, crying (lots of crying), despairing, being pulled in opposite directions, wishing I had another pair of hands.... oh, and breastfeeding. The little man feeds every couple of hours. He does grant me four hour slots in which to try and sleep at night, for which I am eternally grateful.
He is a very different baby to his big sister. He is finding the transition from in utero to the big wide world bewildering and overwhelming. Come to think of it, I feel pretty bewildered and overwhelmed most of the time too! I think I was very naive thinking that as I had done this baby thing before, it would be easy. Oh goodness, how wrong was I? It is so, so much harder with two!
I am spending my days trying to stay on top of everything, keeping things in order and generally feeling like I'm swimming against the tide, with the threat of imminent drowning ever present on the horizon.
I find a lot of time motherhood is spent feeling an overwhelming range of emotions: love, guilt, frustration, confusion, adoration, failure, loneliness. I'm fairly sure most mums feel like this... Don't they...?? Social media is a wonderful thing for advice and support. With both my children, I have a group of ladies who had children at the same time. Some I have met, some have become my closest friends, others I only know from their Facebook profiles. There is always someone online at three in the morning, awake, feeding a baby. It's reassuring. However, on the other hand, social media presents an Instagram life - well filtered portrayal of the perfect family and home. Smiling, happy babies, immaculate rooms in homes with not a scrap of Happyland, broken crayons or sick covered muslins in sight. Do these people really exist? Or is all their clutter, forgotten nappy sacks and selection of milk covered babygros all piled high out of sight of the camera lens?
My aim is to be honest. These posts will probably mostly be written one handed, in the early hours of the morning, during bleary eyed feeds. The only time I have when I can sit down, the toddler asleep and baby quiet and content. I can't promise the photos won't have the Instagram magic touch (I need all the help I can get!), but the content will definitely be #nofilter
Xx
